"We went to the moon to have fun, but the moon turned out to completely suck."
"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."
"My father took one hundred and thirty two minutes to die. I counted."
"All children, except one, grow up."
"I was born twice: first as a baby girl, on a remarkably smogless Detroit day in January 1960; and then again, as a teenage boy, in an emergency room near Petosky, Michigan, in August of 1974."
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
"The Herdmans were the absolute worst children in the history of the world."
"It begins, as most things begin, with a song."
Voyage of the Dawn Treader
"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."
Pride and Prejudice
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."
Stiff: Curious Lives of Human Cadavers
"The way I see it, being dead is not terribly far off from being on a cruise ship. Most of the time is spent lying on your back."
"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
A Series of Unfortunate Events: A Bad Beginning
"If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book."
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