Nonfiction review: THINGS IN NATURE MERELY GROW

Things in Nature Merely Grow is a heartbreaking memoir by Yiyun Li. 

“There is no good way to say this,” Yiyun Li writes at the beginning of this book.

“There is no good way to state these facts, which must be acknowledged . . . My husband and I had two children and lost them -- Vincent in 2017, at sixteen, James in 2024, at nineteen. Both chose suicide, and both died not far from home.”

Li, a professor of creative writing at Princeton University, decided to write this memoir for James. She wrote another book after her first son died, Where Reason Ends, which was a novel and one she imagined Vincent as the main character. Li decided to write a memoir for James. He wasn't like his brother, effervescent and outward facing, James wouldn't have liked to be the center of attention for anything, including a character in a book.

Most people would gasp at the idea of a mother writing a book about her son just months after his death, but Li found she needed to do it. She realized that words may fail but are still necessary. Li also continued doing things that others in a similar situation would have cast aside in the weeks/months after the suicides -- piano lessons, gardening, teaching, and writing -- among them. She called this "radical acceptance". She didn't use the words "grief" or "mourning" in the book. She decided she wanted to live thinkingly not feelingly next to the deaths of her sons.

As Li writes, “The verb that does not die is ‘to be.’ Vincent was and is and will always be Vincent. James was and is and will always be James. We were and are and will always be their parents. There is no now and then, now and later; only now and now and now and now.”

I think that above quote was the one that nearly broke my heart. Just think about being a mother of two children who commit suicide and to be able to embrace the now and now and now. Such bravery.

The story isn't only about James and Vincent it is also a bit about Li's childhood. Her mother was very abusive and would blame her outbursts and anger on Li because she loved her best. In 2012 Li was so depressed she attempted suicide twice and had to be hospitalized. She worried later that her own suicide attempts may have given her sons the ideas for ending their own lives. Such an awful, unknowable spot to be in.

Clearly this is not the usual grief memoir. Much of the book focuses on the inadequacies of words to express the magnitude of loss the author is feeling. By embracing racial acceptance Li is allowing herself to live with dignity looking into the future. Li also gives some practical ideas how to be a friend to someone who loses a loved one. She actually gives suggested phrases and actions to use and those to avoid. 

The prose are exquisitely written. Li has full command of literary references which completely charmed me. Such talent.

 Avoid this book if you are triggered by suicide and related topics.

My rating is 5 stars.

-Anne